EXCERPT – HER SCARS

Hello!  I thought it was time to get back to my website, Ask Ms Mandi.  My latest baby is my book called HER SCARS.  Enjoy the excerpt below:

JOURNAL ENTRY – August 7 

I’m not sure when I became so brave, but it is as if nothing scares me anymore.  The night of August 6th had taken away my innocence, I am no longer a vulnerable fourteen-year old child.  A part of me died that night, with him taking my purity from me.

I’d always seen the world and people through rose-colored lenses, subsequently, this is no longer the case.  I know most people are bad, but I’ve always refused to believe that they are all bad.

Walking up to the park benches at ten at night, by myself and to a group of stranger boys, my mind is screaming, what is wrong with you.  I am normally the introverted, anti-social girl.

“Hey!”  I shout out.

“Are you talking to us?”  One of the guys asks.

I’m wondering if they are gang-affiliated, by their appearance, with their hats on backwards, long shorts with white Adidas socks to their knees and their black Vans.

The one guy sitting on the right side, edge of the table, catches my eye.  He has a mystic about him.  I am intrigued. He seems quieter than the rest of his friends and it crosses my mind that he may be studying me, as I am him.

I know my presence baffles them, certainly, what are the odds of a young girl dropping by so late at night, to a park with a reputation for being gang affiliated, being in the rougher part of town.  It is rumored that the hard-core gangs, such as, the South Corona Gang, often hang out here; although, this isn’t their territory, but it is said they occasionally drop by.

The tall, heavy-built Mexican stands up, he isn’t fat or anything, just stocky and not so pretty, with a deep scar running from his right ear to the corner of his mouth.

Skeptically, he approaches, obviously trying to intimidate me, but as I walk closer into their scene, his stare falters, realizing I’m not afraid of him.

Cautiously, he looks me up and down from my flip flops to the top of my head.  Thinking his words out carefully, he continues.

“Aren’t you a little out of your element?  How old are you, sixteen?”

“I’m fourteen.”  I state proudly.

“Fourteen?  Damn girl, what the hell are you doing out and around these parts of the hood by yourself?”

“I need a favor.”  I say, looking him squarely in the eyes.

I’m not sure if it is my imagination, but his eyes seem to soften a bit.

“A favor?  What sort of favor?”

The other three guys laugh, except the quiet one, who just shifts his gaze to the ground, almost as if saying he wants nothing to do with any of this.

“I need you to beat the living shit out of this guy for me.”

“And why would you want us to do that?”

I bite down on my lip, too hard, tasting my blood.

“He hurt me, and I want him to pay for what he did!”  I stare back, expressionless.

He gestures for me to come over to their table, offering me a beer, which I gladly accept.  Don’t judge me.  I may only be fourteen years old, but I’ve lived through enough shit to last me a lifetime.

I guzzle my beer, letting out a loud burp, proceeding into the rhythm of my story, starting from the beginning.  I tell them everything, holding nothing back.

Copyright:  Jayne Wilkinson February 10, 2019

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KINDNESS

KINDNESS

When I look into your eyes I see a genuine kindness that’s overwhelming.

It warms my heart,

It makes me feel safe,

And I know that I matter.

03.20.2017

Written By:  AskMsMandi

Photograph By: AskMsMandi

Copyright:  December 13, 2018

 

SNOW

SNOW

How long will Jack make me endure this suffering?  He knows that I hate it when he ignores me.  I sit here, holding our baby in my arms, wondering when he will come home and forgive me.  I know I should feel blessed with this life beside me, but all I can do is long for the days we use to have, when he loved me.  Why does love have to end?

True love is forever, they say, but they are wrong.  What is true love?  Why does it always seem as if love is lopsided.  You either love him or he loves you, it is never compatible, perhaps in the movies, but not in real life.

Happiness is so overrated.  All I long for is a little bit of peace.  What is happiness?  We think happiness is something that we all achieve and it will last forever; subsequently, it is only a mere glimpse of something that will be temporary.  Temporary, until it is gone and once again our hearts’ ache for its return.

Written By:  AskMsMandi

Copyright:  August 10, 2018

Manuscript – SNOW

SNOW

Sitting on the park bench, feeling the wind blowing through my hair, I am stuck somewhere in my mind, between my surroundings and another time.  It now seems like a lifetime ago, and it even tricks me into believing it had never been my life at all.

There are days when my life seems as if it isn’t real, but as if I am a character, in a movie and I am watching it over and over again.  I don’t want to continue this madness, but what choice do I have, but to proceed with the events that are impossible to delay.

The memories will always come, I can’t deny them, for they were my life at one time.  I have lived them and they aren’t going away, no matter how much I wish them to, they are a part of me and I must find a way to embrace them.

Written By:  Ask Ms Mandi

Photograph By:  Ask Ms Mandi

Copyright:  April 30, 2018

Excerpt from Manuscript: Dear Paxton

Quickly, she turned on her heels, grabbing her purse while proceeding to slam the door harshly behind her on her way out and down the stairs.  Large crocodile tears spilled down her checks as she ran through the apartment complex desperately searching for her car.  She needed to get away, as for away as she could.  She knew he could find her if he wanted to and this she did not want.

He had crushed her heart beyond repair now.  Not only had he turned his back on her, but he had also turned his back on his own flesh and blood.  She loved this baby growing inside of her, but she knew she couldn’t raise it on her own.  She knew what she had to do, it wasn’t going to be easy, but she no longer had a choice of what she wanted anymore.  She had tried, fighting for her baby with all her might, but she had lost the battle.

Written By:  Ask Ms Mandi

Copyright 2002

DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIORS

DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIORS

This once million dollar home was destroyed in a storm.  Although we don’t always see the effects left behind by depression, this is what we look like on the inside of our minds.

We may not show our pain on the outside, but inside we are a mass of destruction, ready to crumple to the ground at any moment.  However, we are strong because we hold on for another day and another and another.

Just like this house.  We continue to stand strong; although, we are damaged.

NEVER GIVE UP!

Written By:  Ask Ms Mandi

Photography By:  JMW

Copyright January 20, 2018