28 Friday Apr 2017
Kate flew back to Brigham Young University the next week. Jeff continued to work long hours, as his mother’s health continued to deteriorate. Within the year, his mother died in her sleep, as the doctors told him that she had a weakened heart for years.
Jeff didn’t agree with the doctors, but respected their theories. He believed differently, since he had witnessed it himself. His mother had literally died in her sleep from a broken heart.
Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright 2015
10 Tuesday Jan 2017
Posted in POEMS By Jewels
Tags
Agents, Books, California, Children, Faith, Family, Hope, Love, Mothers, Novel, Published, Relationships, Writers
DEPRESSION IS NOT A CHOICE…
JCW
03/31/2016 – Seven Months and 26 days before she left this earth.
Depression is not a choice. When people ask what it feels like, I don’t even have to think.
It’s like you’re underwater drowning. You forget how to swim. You used to know how, but not anymore. You’re incapable of swimming, so you sink to the bottom of the pool.
Nobody knows you’re drowning. They just think you’re underwater. Casually swimming and you try to call for help, but nobody can hear you. Even if they could, you’ll be shamed.
Your voice is gone. Your mind is all dark. No more everyday happy thoughts and people should not just say, “I’m depressed.” when they’re feeling down because depression is feeling down everyday for months and years.
You’re in this sad box that is locked. You can’t escape. It’s become a part of you…you’re friend, that you don’t want. They will yell at you, scream at the top of their lungs. And you can try to get them to leave you alone, but they’re not going anywhere.
People will say it’s a phase and you wish it was, but it isn’t. You can’t just snap your fingers and be depression free. It takes a long time to recover.
Depression is not cute. It is not something you want. It is not a trend. It is an illness and a bad one too. Having depression is not a sad thought every once in a while, it is not cutting yourself and showing everybody.
Really, it’s about not being able to get out of bed to shower, eat, start your day. It’s staying up until two in the morning thinking about things because you believe you’re a failure and that’s what it will get you to think.
You will begin to know to yourself that you’re useless, and that nobody will want you.
Sad, huh? It’s in your head. Depression is a bad illness and when people compare people who have depression, that’s even worse. Like you can’t become depressed because your parents got a divorce, because somebody else’s parents were killed.
You can’t put a price on sadness and you’ll think, “Oh, God, please someone save me, anyone”, but the only person who could save you is yourself.
It will take a while too.
Do something you love, people will say. They clearly don’t understand that anything you do will not make you happy. You are sick…It isn’t a two-day thing, but I will not be shamed for my depression.
I will always have it in the back of my head, and even though it may make me want to give up, I will not. I will not give up when I have made it this far.
Don’t blame people who are trying hard to make it through their day. So in the end, you have to remember: Depression is not a choice.
-Jewels
24 Wednesday Aug 2016
Posted in Excerpt from Manuscript - SNOW
Tags
Addiction, Author, Books, Faith, God, Help, Hope, Love, Magazine, Manuscript, Novel, Published, Relationships, Religion, Short-story, Suicide, Therapy, Writer
SNOW
“Oh my God, Jack. I am so sorry.” January had no words.
“It’s okay. I’m over it now.”
“Over it! How can you say such a thing. What happened is just terribly horrible. I don’t know what I would do, if that happened to me.”
“January, you are a strong girl. You would get over it and move on.”
“I don’t know.”
“Yes, you would and just like me. I know I sound heartless, but there are only two ways to go in a situation like this, you can either not accept it and go insane or you can accept it and move on. I am not the insane one, he was. I can’t beat up on myself for his poor choices and his insanity.”
“Gosh Jack…I don’t know if I could be as brave as you. That’s a lot of stress for a kid, you know.”
“January, we are not kids. We may be only 17 years old, but we are both much older than our years and very wise.” He reached down, pulling her face up to his, softly kissing her sultry lips.
“I love you, do you know that…do you Jack?” At that moment, she realized actually how much she really loved this man.
“I know that, silly girl. I love you too. You are my hero!”
She smiled sadly, knowing she would always love him and would do anything for him… she knew she would even die for him, but she hoped it wouldn’t come to that.
Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Photograph By: PMW
Copyright August 24, 2016
14 Sunday Aug 2016
Posted in Photographs from Art Gallery
Tags
Author, Books, Magazine, Northern California, Novel, Photographers, Picture, San Francisco, Short-stories, sunset, Travel, Vacation, Writer
Visiting San Francisco…
I know I always say that this place and that place are my favorite places to visit…but San Francisco is truly one of my favorite spots in the world. If you ever visit California or already live in our Golden State, you must visit San Francisco.
Haight and Ashbury are a blast from the past. Walking down the streets is as if you are still living during the 1960’s. Jim Morrison, from the Doors and Jimi Hendrix appear to still be living, as you look up and into their faces on the side of buildings.
The Wharf and Pier 39 have all the shopping you could ever imagine, while you’re waiting for your boat trip across the bay to the legendary Alcatraz island. Alcatraz is a must see.
Union Square is for the more savvy shopping goer. It’s beautifully lined streets, looking up to the high rises; such as, Juicy Contour, Nordstrom and Ghirardelli Chocolates.
And we can’t forget the Financial District. This is where success is created.
Make sure you pack your shorts, sweaters, and jackets…you never know what the weather will be like in San Francisco…it’s as unpredictable as your decisions on where you should go to next in the great city of San Francisco.
Written & Photography By: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright August 2015
07 Sunday Aug 2016
Posted in Excerpt from Manuscript - Dear Paxton
Tags
Addiction, Author, Blogging, Books, Break-ups, Broken, Couples, Divorce, Dreams, Faith, Family, Literary Agents, Love, Manuscript, Relationships, Women, Writers
Excerpt from Manuscript – Dear Paxton
Lisa ran into the bathroom, with black streaks running down her once made up, pretty face. She stared at herself in the mirror with disgust.
How could she have been so stupid? Why had she believed his lies, once again? Will she ever learn?
“I hate you!” She screamed, hitting her fists hard against the bathroom mirror. The mirror with the pretty, little flowers…the flowers she had painted on it earlier. But now she hated them, hated how they stared back at her, mocking her.
Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright 1999
31 Sunday Jul 2016
Posted in The Lost Diary of Jane Doe
Tags
Agent, Author, Books, Goodbye, Lost, Love, Magazine, Marriage, Military, Novel, Published, Relationships, Short-Sales, Writer
The Lost Diary of Jane Doe
She quickly pushed her self-doubt out of her mind. She knew she still loved him, time had no relevance with a love like they shared.
It hadn’t been love at first sight, but had grown out of the need to be protected and sheltered from the harsh elements of the world. He had been her hero from the beginning of their relationship. This was something he craved, something he needed, the need to be needed. And she had needed it too.
However, it was much simpler for her. She just loved him the way he was, with all his flaws and all. She didn’t care about his past, she didn’t care how much money he made, all she wanted from him was his heart, his honor, and his commitment to her and only her.
When they had said their goodbyes, she believed him when he told her he would come back to her. He had promised not to forget her. He had promised not to leave her behind, without him.
She had believed him. However, as each year past, without a letter or any communication, she had developed a horrible case of self-doubt. She was afraid he wasn’t coming back.
But she had been wrong. The dark cloud that had been following close behind her, had parted. The telegram had explained it all. He was coming home. He wasn’t lost or dead, he was alive and coming home to her.
Setting down her brush, she smiled into the mirror for the first time in five years.
Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Photography Bye: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright July 2016
01 Wednesday Jun 2016
Posted in Excerpt from Manuscript - SNOW
Tags
Addiction, Authors, Betrayal, Black, Blogging, Books, Boyfriends, Break-ups, Broken, Cocaine, Denial, Drugs, Love, Novel, Relationships, Travel, Writers
Excerpt from Manuscript – Snow
The girl who was wearing all black was staring at her. She didn’t want to look over at her, but she could feel the heaviness of her glare boring down on her. She sensed the girl was trying to get her attention, but January was lost in between the lyrics of the band screaming from the radio and the shouting she heard in the other room.
She decided to look her way, “Do you know when they will be out of the bedroom?”
“Who knows. They made a big score tonight…could be a while.”
“A score?” January didn’t know what this girl was talking about.
“Speed, of course.” The girl casually replied.
January was shocked. “Did you see Jack go into the room. He must have gone out for more beer.”
“Jack is the cute guy with longish, shoulder length hair and black eye-liner?”
“Yes, he’s my boyfriend, but he doesn’t use drugs, so I’m sure he must have slipped out when I didn’t notice.”
“No, he’s in there. I saw him and the tall, skinny guy go in together.”
The room started to spin…January wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol or the loud music or the distaste of her dinner rising up and into her throat, but she felt as if she was going to be sick.
Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Photograph By: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright June 1, 2016
26 Thursday May 2016
Posted in Excerpt from Manuscript - SNOW
Tags
Addiction, Author, Books, cookies, Excerpt, January, Magazine, Manuscript, New York, Novel, Novella, Relationships, Seasons, snow, tea, Time, Travel, Winter, Writer
EXCERPT FROM SNOW
The days were slowing down, giving her a chance to ponder, as her mind wandered back to a happier time. Realizing she was alone, not just in the moment, but really alone.
She felt lost, wondering where everyone had gone.
She remembered the joyous days, as her girl’s laughter echoed through their home. She was teaching Bella how to bake Snickerdoodle cookies, they had been her favorite as a young girl and now they were Bella’s favorite too.
But now, as she slowly sipped on her peppermint tea, gently swirling the cream around in the cup, she had nobody to sit around with and laugh. Time was going faster, but had also seemed to stop.
Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Photograph By: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright May 26, 2016
18 Wednesday May 2016
Posted in Just a PERFECT Thought
Tags
Ask, Author, Books, Contradiction, Destruction, Family, Life, Magazines, Media, Novella, Novels, Photography, Poems, Safe, Social, Words, Writers
CONTRADICTION IN WORDS…
Family is what saves you, but yet…
Family is what can destroy you.
Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Photography By: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright May 18, 2016
01 Sunday May 2016
Posted in Excerpt from Manuscript - Dear Paxton
Tags
Abusive Relationships, Agents, Blogging, Books, Domestic Violence, Fear, Magazines, Protective Witness Program, Publishing, Strength, Writers
Excerpt Dear Paxton
“Where have you been?”
“I told you I was visiting my sister in Lake Tahoe.”
He continued to glare at her, not saying much.
This infuriated her beyond control, but she refused to allow him to see her fear for him. She knew he strived on her fear, this would keep her in line and close to him, but he was wrong.
She was planning her escape.
Her family, including Cole, thought she should be honest with him, telling him about her marriage and the move, but they were wrong.
Lisa saw something in his eyes that nobody else could see, she saw hatred and desperation growing deeper and deeper inside him day by day.
She was afraid.
Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Photograph By: JCW
Copyright May 2016
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