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~ A California Girl living in Montana

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Monthly Archives: July 2016

The Lost Diary of Jane Doe

31 Sunday Jul 2016

Posted by Ask Ms Mandi in The Lost Diary of Jane Doe

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Agent, Author, Books, Goodbye, Lost, Love, Magazine, Marriage, Military, Novel, Published, Relationships, Short-Sales, Writer

The Lost Diary of Jane Doe

Ms Mandi Photo 1

She quickly pushed her self-doubt out of her mind. She knew she still loved him, time had no relevance with a love like they shared.

It hadn’t been love at first sight, but had grown out of the need to be protected and sheltered from the harsh elements of the world. He had been her hero from the beginning of their relationship. This was something he craved, something he needed, the need to be needed. And she had needed it too.

However, it was much simpler for her. She just loved him the way he was, with all his flaws and all. She didn’t care about his past, she didn’t care how much money he made, all she wanted from him was his heart, his honor, and his commitment to her and only her.

When they had said their goodbyes, she believed him when he told her he would come back to her. He had promised not to forget her. He had promised not to leave her behind, without him.

She had believed him. However, as each year past, without a letter or any communication, she had developed a horrible case of self-doubt. She was afraid he wasn’t coming back.

But she had been wrong. The dark cloud that had been following close behind her, had parted. The telegram had explained it all. He was coming home. He wasn’t lost or dead, he was alive and coming home to her.

Setting down her brush, she smiled into the mirror for the first time in five years.

Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Photography Bye: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright July 2016

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Excerpt from Manuscript – SNOW

29 Friday Jul 2016

Posted by Ask Ms Mandi in Excerpt from Manuscript - SNOW, Just a PERFECT Thought

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Addiction, Armani, Author, beautiful, Cocaine, Despair, doubt, Lost, Love, Magazine, Manuscript, Novel, Published, Short-story, snow, Writer

EXCERPT FROM MANUSCRIPT – SNOW

REDWOODS 07.29.2016

Reluctantly, she continued brushing her long blonde hair. She knew what was in store for her this evening. She had been anticipating this moment for some time. At first, she had been excited and vigorously her excitement had turned to a worrisome anxiety.

She smiled into the mirror, realizing she looked as perfect as a human-being could look. She had always been called beautiful, but she hadn’t seen it, not until this very moment.

Her eyes sparkled. Her skin was flawless. Her hair shinned under the dim lighting. The only thing missing was her smile. She tried smiling at herself, but what came back to her through her reflection was nothing more than a solace, grim, stare.

She thought to herself, “What if he doesn’t feel the same way? What if she had changed. She knew he had changed, but what if no longer loved her?”

She knew she would surely die of a broken heart, but seriously, who really did that.

“January, you are a silly girl, very silly indeed!”

It always amazed her how quickly her self-doubt appeared, even as she stood in front of the full-length mirror admiring her beautiful red-satin Armani dress.

Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Photograph: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright July 2016

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My Tears Fall…

27 Wednesday Jul 2016

Posted by Ask Ms Mandi in The Lost Diary of Jane Doe

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Authors, cry, Eastern California, fall, Heart, Love, Magazine, Photography, Poems, Poetry, Published, Sisters, sunset, tears, Travel, Vacation, Writers

My Tears Fall…

SISTERS 07.2015

When you trip,
my tears fall.

When you hurt,
my tears fall.

When you cry,
my tears fall.

When you scream out for help,
my tears fall.

When you want to end it all,
my tears fall.

When you don’t understand,
my tears fall.

When you reach out to me,
I shed no more tears and hold you close to my heart.

Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Photograph By: Ask Ms Mandi

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AZALEA STATE RESERVE – HUMBOLDT COUNTY

13 Wednesday Jul 2016

Posted by Ask Ms Mandi in Photographs from Art Gallery

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Author, Azalea State Reserve, Beaches, Camera, Coast, Forest, Humboldt County, instagram, Magazine, Nature, Northern California, Novel, Photography, Published, Road Trip, Travel, Vacation, Writer

Azalea State Reserve – Humboldt County

07.13.2016

The time has come for our yearly trip up the coasts of California. Once again we are heading to the beautiful county of Humboldt, where this majestic forest of Redwoods live, called Azalea State Reserve at the Redwood National Forest.

Most of the time the camera lens captures the beauty of the image, but nothing can compare to the eye when walking through the grandeur of the Redwood forest.

It’s a place that must be on your bucket list, at least once. Or if you are like me, you can’t get enough of the tranquility and continue to visit each year, craving the nature and beaches more and more with each visit.

Come see Northern California for its beauty and stay for your peace of mind.

Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Photograph By: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright July 13, 2016

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Excerpt from Manuscript Snow

09 Saturday Jul 2016

Posted by Ask Ms Mandi in Excerpt from Manuscript - SNOW

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Addiction, Article, Author, Book, Break-ups, Co-dependent, Drugs, Healing, Love, Manuscript, Novel, Published, Relationships, snow, Therapy, Writer

SNOW

IMG_4487

Dear Diary:

Casually watching my foot steps leaving the softest of impressions in the sand, making me ponder over my life and the choices I had made. I had been called co-dependent before, but hadn’t fully understood the meaning behind it. Surely, I wasn’t the one with the problem. I wasn’t the addict.

I was normal, I had followed all the rules. I was a good girl, growing up in a well-to-do family in the suburbs, eating most my vegetables, attending church on Sundays, not talking back to my elders, graduating from high school and eventually graduating from college with honors and two Masters’ Degrees to show for all my hard work. I was the one following all the rules. I am not the one with the problem.

But, today my therapist told me a different ending. I was just like the addict, I was addicted to covering up for the addict. I was trying to save him. I loved him and to be honest with myself, I loved him more than I loved me. Just like an addict loves their drug of choice more than themselves, more than their wife, more than their mother, and more than their children. They would die for their addiction, just like I would have died for you.

But I’m not the addict, you are.

January set down her pen, reaching for the box of tissues, as the tears streamed down her face. Today had been one of the hardest days of her life and probably ever to come again. She had to say good-bye to Jack, he would kill her if she let him. He was drowning and pulling her down into the current with him.

But she was a survivor, she was stronger than he. She had the will to fight and gain back the control she had relinquished on the day she had accepted his drug addiction, thinking she could save him and not knowing she couldn’t, but no more. She wanted to live and she knew now that she must face these demons on her own and without Jack.

Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Photograph By: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright July 9, 2016

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CHILDHOOD GAMES

05 Tuesday Jul 2016

Posted by Ask Ms Mandi in Authors of the Week

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Author, childhood, games, Life, Love, paper, Photography, Poems, Poetry, poets, Published, rock, scissors, shoot, teenager

“childhood games”

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

6/1/16

rock, paper, scissors, shoot!

rock:
weigh your life down
a sad dark stone, crushing

paper:
to drain your thoughts on
making you empty

scissors:
sharp, dangerous
cut your life non-existent

shoot:
the bullet goes through my heart
what I say when I wake up alive

-jcw “childhood games”
Photograph By: Ask Ms Mandi

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