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Tag Archives: Novel

NINE LIVES – JCW

29 Sunday Jan 2017

Posted by Ask Ms Mandi in POEMS By Jewels

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Adolescence, Author, Book, Broken, Children, Damaged, Death, Depression, Happiness, Help, high school, Hope, Life, Magazine, Mental Health, News, Novel, Poem, Published, Reach out, Social Media, Suicide, Support Groups, Teen, Therapy, Torn, Unpublished, Writer

NINE LIVES

nine-lives-jcw-02-19-2016

I just found this poem Jewels wrote, she wrote last February 2016. I think it’s probably one of the saddest of them all, but such a great insight into the mind of someone suffering from depression:

JCW
02/19/16

NINE LIVES

One:
Full of happiness
Giggles and laughter
Innocence is not lost

Two:
A new friend today
I am still young
Pure like clouds

Three:
Adolescence
Not all is happy
My smile is still big

Four:
You fill me with joy
Pure joy
I am happy

Five:
Gone, just like that.
I’m so confused-
Why am I getting so many chances?

Six:
Torn, ripped
Broken and bruised
Innocence is lost

Seven:
Happiness is gone
Let me give up
I’m so, so tired.

Eight:
Shaking, like I’m freezing
Can’t do this much longer.
Why’s life unfair?

Nine:
Damaged.
Nothing but bad memories.
I miss life one.

FINALLY, I AM DEAD.

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DEPRESSION IS NOT A CHOICE

10 Tuesday Jan 2017

Posted by Ask Ms Mandi in POEMS By Jewels

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Agents, Books, California, Children, Faith, Family, Hope, Love, Mothers, Novel, Published, Relationships, Writers

DEPRESSION IS NOT A CHOICE…

SISTERS 07.2015

JCW
03/31/2016 – Seven Months and 26 days before she left this earth.

Depression is not a choice. When people ask what it feels like, I don’t even have to think.

It’s like you’re underwater drowning. You forget how to swim. You used to know how, but not anymore. You’re incapable of swimming, so you sink to the bottom of the pool.

Nobody knows you’re drowning. They just think you’re underwater. Casually swimming and you try to call for help, but nobody can hear you. Even if they could, you’ll be shamed.

Your voice is gone. Your mind is all dark. No more everyday happy thoughts and people should not just say, “I’m depressed.” when they’re feeling down because depression is feeling down everyday for months and years.

You’re in this sad box that is locked. You can’t escape. It’s become a part of you…you’re friend, that you don’t want. They will yell at you, scream at the top of their lungs. And you can try to get them to leave you alone, but they’re not going anywhere.

People will say it’s a phase and you wish it was, but it isn’t. You can’t just snap your fingers and be depression free. It takes a long time to recover.

Depression is not cute. It is not something you want. It is not a trend. It is an illness and a bad one too. Having depression is not a sad thought every once in a while, it is not cutting yourself and showing everybody.

Really, it’s about not being able to get out of bed to shower, eat, start your day. It’s staying up until two in the morning thinking about things because you believe you’re a failure and that’s what it will get you to think.

You will begin to know to yourself that you’re useless, and that nobody will want you.

Sad, huh? It’s in your head. Depression is a bad illness and when people compare people who have depression, that’s even worse. Like you can’t become depressed because your parents got a divorce, because somebody else’s parents were killed.

You can’t put a price on sadness and you’ll think, “Oh, God, please someone save me, anyone”, but the only person who could save you is yourself.

It will take a while too.

Do something you love, people will say. They clearly don’t understand that anything you do will not make you happy. You are sick…It isn’t a two-day thing, but I will not be shamed for my depression.

I will always have it in the back of my head, and even though it may make me want to give up, I will not. I will not give up when I have made it this far.

Don’t blame people who are trying hard to make it through their day. So in the end, you have to remember: Depression is not a choice.

-Jewels

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Excerpt from Manuscript – Snow

02 Wednesday Nov 2016

Posted by Ask Ms Mandi in Excerpt from Manuscript - SNOW

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Tags

Abusive Relationships, Addiction, Author, Book, California, Cocaine, Crank, Crystal Meth, Eastern Sierra Mountains, Love, Manuscript, Marriage, Novel, Photographer, Published, Recovery, snow, Sunset Magazine, Travel, Unpublished, Writer

Excerpt from Manuscript – Snow

october-2016-209

The wooden bench had turned out to be a bad idea, as the beginning of the first frost escalated the startling cold that was quickly creeping up and under her skin.

January didn’t seem to notice much, as she was lost in thought. She was annoyed with herself…more like in disbelief…how could she not have seen the signs.

She had loved this man for more than half her life, but somehow she had missed it.

Earlier that day she had spoken, on the phone, with an old friend…a friend who had brought it to her attention that Jack had been using throughout their life together. She knew that he smoked weed, but cocaine? Or as her friend had kindly put it, whatever drug was available that day.

She had always blamed the weed for his mood swings, his fits of anger, and his sudden outburst of violence. She herself had become co-dependent, wanting him to smoke so that he would be numb enough to be kind to her.

She had fallen into the vicious cycle of the poor pathetic wife who deserved what she had accepted. She despised women like this, but yet she had become the spitting image of just that.

Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Photograph By: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright November 2, 2016

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Excerpt from Manuscript – Snow

24 Wednesday Aug 2016

Posted by Ask Ms Mandi in Excerpt from Manuscript - SNOW

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Tags

Addiction, Author, Books, Faith, God, Help, Hope, Love, Magazine, Manuscript, Novel, Published, Relationships, Religion, Short-story, Suicide, Therapy, Writer

SNOW

IMG_4798

“Oh my God, Jack. I am so sorry.” January had no words.

“It’s okay. I’m over it now.”

“Over it! How can you say such a thing. What happened is just terribly horrible. I don’t know what I would do, if that happened to me.”

“January, you are a strong girl. You would get over it and move on.”

“I don’t know.”

“Yes, you would and just like me. I know I sound heartless, but there are only two ways to go in a situation like this, you can either not accept it and go insane or you can accept it and move on. I am not the insane one, he was. I can’t beat up on myself for his poor choices and his insanity.”

“Gosh Jack…I don’t know if I could be as brave as you. That’s a lot of stress for a kid, you know.”

“January, we are not kids. We may be only 17 years old, but we are both much older than our years and very wise.” He reached down, pulling her face up to his, softly kissing her sultry lips.

“I love you, do you know that…do you Jack?” At that moment, she realized actually how much she really loved this man.

“I know that, silly girl. I love you too. You are my hero!”

She smiled sadly, knowing she would always love him and would do anything for him… she knew she would even die for him, but she hoped it wouldn’t come to that.

Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Photograph By: PMW
Copyright August 24, 2016

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Excerpt from Manuscript – SNOW

17 Wednesday Aug 2016

Posted by Ask Ms Mandi in Excerpt from Manuscript - SNOW

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Tags

Addiction, Author, Betrayal, Book, Cocaine, Literary Agent, Love, Manuscript, Novel, Published, Relationships, snow, Writer

Excerpt from SNOW…

08.03.2016

January couldn’t help but stare. It didn’t feel real. She felt as if she were in a dream. Her once perfect life seemed to have shattered. Everything she had once known was gone.

She felt betrayed. She was lost. Defeat became her.

But she couldn’t help but think how beautiful it looked. It looked just like snow. Soft white snow that had fallen down onto the glassy, icy lake.

She was startled, seeing herself looking back through her own reflection in the mirror.

“Baby, what are you doing?” January jumped, half out of her skin.

“Woa…there baby girl. Are you okay?”

“My God, Jack. You scared me half to death.”

“What are you doing? We are all outside on the patio playing Quarters.”

“I was just coming back. I got lost, I guess. I didn’t know Ice did cocaine?”

“I guess…” Jack stammered.

“Did you know?” January asked.

“Of course not…how would I know!” Jack snapped.

“I don’t know, Jack. Calm down…I was just asking. What’s your problem?”

“No problem, babe. Let’s get back to the party and get another beer. You in?”

“Sure…” January replied, looking back at the table.

“Jack, may I ask you a question?’

“Sure.”

“Never mind.” January knew better to ask him, besides, she already knew the answer, so why bother.

January smiled weakly up at Jack as he pulled her hand, leading her across the room.

Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Photograph By: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright: August 2016

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Visiting San Francisco

14 Sunday Aug 2016

Posted by Ask Ms Mandi in Photographs from Art Gallery

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Author, Books, Magazine, Northern California, Novel, Photographers, Picture, San Francisco, Short-stories, sunset, Travel, Vacation, Writer

Visiting San Francisco…

08.14.2016

I know I always say that this place and that place are my favorite places to visit…but San Francisco is truly one of my favorite spots in the world. If you ever visit California or already live in our Golden State, you must visit San Francisco.

Haight and Ashbury are a blast from the past. Walking down the streets is as if you are still living during the 1960’s. Jim Morrison, from the Doors and Jimi Hendrix appear to still be living, as you look up and into their faces on the side of buildings.

The Wharf and Pier 39 have all the shopping you could ever imagine, while you’re waiting for your boat trip across the bay to the legendary Alcatraz island. Alcatraz is a must see.

Union Square is for the more savvy shopping goer. It’s beautifully lined streets, looking up to the high rises; such as, Juicy Contour, Nordstrom and Ghirardelli Chocolates.

And we can’t forget the Financial District. This is where success is created.

Make sure you pack your shorts, sweaters, and jackets…you never know what the weather will be like in San Francisco…it’s as unpredictable as your decisions on where you should go to next in the great city of San Francisco.

Written & Photography By: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright August 2015

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The Lost Diary of Jane Doe

03 Wednesday Aug 2016

Posted by Ask Ms Mandi in The Lost Diary of Jane Doe

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Author, Book, Diary, Jane Doe, Literary Agent, Lost, Love, Magazine, Make-up, Novel, party, Published, publishing house, Short-story, telegram, Writer

The Lost Diary of Jane Doe…

Photo_Chair_061513 001

As she sat in front of the full-length mirror, intently staring into it, but not really seeing anything, she glanced down at the telegram that now lay crumpled up on her lap.

She felt numb, as no tears came. She knew she should cry or scream or laugh, just something, but she couldn’t. All sense of any emotion had escaped her.

It was funny to her, but all she was concerned with, at that very moment, was that she didn’t mess up her mascara or her prettily made-up face. She had spent hours on her make-up, spending thousands of dollars on her beautifully crafted, red-velvet dress, and even more on the stupid party.

The party that was going on downstairs and which she should have been attending with the man of her dreams on her arm, but instead she was lost in her own thoughts and paralyzed to her chair, without any destination of leaving her white-oak vanity desk.

Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Photograph By: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright: August 2016

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The Lost Diary of Jane Doe

31 Sunday Jul 2016

Posted by Ask Ms Mandi in The Lost Diary of Jane Doe

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Agent, Author, Books, Goodbye, Lost, Love, Magazine, Marriage, Military, Novel, Published, Relationships, Short-Sales, Writer

The Lost Diary of Jane Doe

Ms Mandi Photo 1

She quickly pushed her self-doubt out of her mind. She knew she still loved him, time had no relevance with a love like they shared.

It hadn’t been love at first sight, but had grown out of the need to be protected and sheltered from the harsh elements of the world. He had been her hero from the beginning of their relationship. This was something he craved, something he needed, the need to be needed. And she had needed it too.

However, it was much simpler for her. She just loved him the way he was, with all his flaws and all. She didn’t care about his past, she didn’t care how much money he made, all she wanted from him was his heart, his honor, and his commitment to her and only her.

When they had said their goodbyes, she believed him when he told her he would come back to her. He had promised not to forget her. He had promised not to leave her behind, without him.

She had believed him. However, as each year past, without a letter or any communication, she had developed a horrible case of self-doubt. She was afraid he wasn’t coming back.

But she had been wrong. The dark cloud that had been following close behind her, had parted. The telegram had explained it all. He was coming home. He wasn’t lost or dead, he was alive and coming home to her.

Setting down her brush, she smiled into the mirror for the first time in five years.

Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Photography Bye: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright July 2016

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Excerpt from Manuscript – SNOW

29 Friday Jul 2016

Posted by Ask Ms Mandi in Excerpt from Manuscript - SNOW, Just a PERFECT Thought

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Addiction, Armani, Author, beautiful, Cocaine, Despair, doubt, Lost, Love, Magazine, Manuscript, Novel, Published, Short-story, snow, Writer

EXCERPT FROM MANUSCRIPT – SNOW

REDWOODS 07.29.2016

Reluctantly, she continued brushing her long blonde hair. She knew what was in store for her this evening. She had been anticipating this moment for some time. At first, she had been excited and vigorously her excitement had turned to a worrisome anxiety.

She smiled into the mirror, realizing she looked as perfect as a human-being could look. She had always been called beautiful, but she hadn’t seen it, not until this very moment.

Her eyes sparkled. Her skin was flawless. Her hair shinned under the dim lighting. The only thing missing was her smile. She tried smiling at herself, but what came back to her through her reflection was nothing more than a solace, grim, stare.

She thought to herself, “What if he doesn’t feel the same way? What if she had changed. She knew he had changed, but what if no longer loved her?”

She knew she would surely die of a broken heart, but seriously, who really did that.

“January, you are a silly girl, very silly indeed!”

It always amazed her how quickly her self-doubt appeared, even as she stood in front of the full-length mirror admiring her beautiful red-satin Armani dress.

Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Photograph: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright July 2016

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AZALEA STATE RESERVE – HUMBOLDT COUNTY

13 Wednesday Jul 2016

Posted by Ask Ms Mandi in Photographs from Art Gallery

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Author, Azalea State Reserve, Beaches, Camera, Coast, Forest, Humboldt County, instagram, Magazine, Nature, Northern California, Novel, Photography, Published, Road Trip, Travel, Vacation, Writer

Azalea State Reserve – Humboldt County

07.13.2016

The time has come for our yearly trip up the coasts of California. Once again we are heading to the beautiful county of Humboldt, where this majestic forest of Redwoods live, called Azalea State Reserve at the Redwood National Forest.

Most of the time the camera lens captures the beauty of the image, but nothing can compare to the eye when walking through the grandeur of the Redwood forest.

It’s a place that must be on your bucket list, at least once. Or if you are like me, you can’t get enough of the tranquility and continue to visit each year, craving the nature and beaches more and more with each visit.

Come see Northern California for its beauty and stay for your peace of mind.

Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Photograph By: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright July 13, 2016

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