Tag Archives: Break-ups

EXCERPT FROM MANUSCRIPT – DEAR PAXTON

15 Saturday Oct 2016

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Dear Paxton

Humboldt County 03_edited-1

Lisa grabbed the beer, placing it to her lips, swallowing the bitter liquid. She had to concentrate, not to think about the distaste she had for the beer. She sat down, letting out the loudest burp ever to escape her lips.

“There! I did it.” She was really proud of her accomplishment. Keith and Ricky seemed proud too, handing her another Miller Genuine Draft.

“Ricky, let me have a drag of your cigarette.” Lisa took a hit. He had that inquisitive look again.

“What?” She asked.

“I didn’t know you smoked.” He said taking a long drag.

“I don’t. But, I just feel like being one of the boys tonight.” She sat back to relax.

“Lisa, you are too cool.” Keith was stunned.

Ricky tried to teach Lisa how to blow rings with the cigarette smoke. She tried and tried, laughing out loud with the pure lucidity of the evening.

“Shhhh… Don’t laugh so loud.”

“Sorry, Keith.” Lisa looked over at Ricky raising her eyebrows.

He rolled his eye, twirling his finger around in a circle next to his head. Lisa couldn’t help but burst out laughing again. She was feeling a little drunk.

“Shhhh….” This only made her laugh harder until she could hardly breathe, breaking into an asthma attack.

“Shhh… Quiet! I don’t want the neighbors to call the cops.” Keith was definitely paranoid.

“Shut up Keith! I can’t help it if I have to cough….. I have asthma.” She started coughing uncontrollably again.

“Shhhh…”

“Keith, leave her alone. She can’t help it if she has to cough.” Ricky defended her.

“I don’t want the cops to be called. If you guys don’t be quiet, then leave.” Keith was bugging her.

“Don’t be so paranoid, Keith.” Lisa lay back against the couch feeling the room spin under her.

“I don’t feel too good.” She said standing up. “Where’s the bathroom?”

“Lisa, are you ok?” Ricky took hold of her arm walking her over to the small, unsanitary bathroom in the back of the disarray bedroom. Lisa didn’t care that the toilet smelled of urine, sitting down on the floor, resting her head on the cool toilet seat. The coolness felt good on her clammy forehead.

Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Photograph By: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright 2000

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Excerpt from Manuscript – SNOW

21 Wednesday Sep 2016

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EXCERPT FROM MANUSCRIPT – SNOW

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They both lay in bed, exhausted, but satisfied by their late night excursion.
January cuddled up closer into Jack’s arms, nestling her head in between the nape of his neck, just under his ear, as her slender fingers gently glided over the dark hair that now appeared on his chest.

At first, she had thought she would hate the thought of her man having a hairy chest, Jack had always been a clean-shaving guy, but over the past few years, he had let it go. January loved it.

“I love you, Jack…you know that, right?”

“Of course, Sweetheart. And I love you too, with all my heart.” He said, bringing her lips up towards his, kissing them tenderly this time. “Why do you ask?”

“I just get worried sometimes…that’s all.”

“Worried about if I love you?”

“No, worried that it won’t last. It’s all too perfect and when everything is perfect there is always something that comes along and ruins it. It seems like I am never completely happy and when I am, it is taken away from me.” January sadly said, stretching out her long legs from under the sheets.

“Baby, I love you now and forever. That’s all that really matters for right now. We have the present…that’s all we can be certain, we can’t foresee the future, Sweetheart.”

“I know that Jack…I just hope you’re right.”

“Trust me.”

Sadly enough, that was what worried her.

Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Photography By: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright September 21, 2016

Excerpt from Manuscript – Snow

31 Wednesday Aug 2016

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EXCERPT FROM SNOW

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The last few days had been anything but perfect, maybe perfect was too strong of an adjective, the last few days had been more than exhausting.

January closed her eyes for a moment, reflecting back on their conversation. It hadn’t gone well, with Jack storming out of their high-rise apartment.

This had been more than two days ago and she still had not heard from him. She knew he would be mad, but he was more than mad, he had been furious.

She remembered when they had first visited the city of San Francisco, now their home. She and Jack had just gotten married. He had applied to the city as an Engineer, just on a whim, not really expecting to get the job, but he had.

She couldn’t have asked for a better life, now that Jack was clean. But now it seemed their perfect, picturesque life had shattered into a million different pieces.

Tears slowly spilled down her face, as she quietly opened her eyes. It was a dreary, over-cast day, but when wasn’t it over-cast in the city.

Looking across the bay, she watched as the tour boat took the nostalgic guests across the ocean and over to the Rock…Alcatrass, making her ponder…had she made the right decision telling Jack. Only time would tell.

“Please Jack, come home to me.” She whispered.

Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Photograph By: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright August 31, 2016

Excerpt from Manuscript – Dear Paxton

07 Sunday Aug 2016

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Excerpt from Manuscript – Dear Paxton

Ms Mandi Photo 1

Lisa ran into the bathroom, with black streaks running down her once made up, pretty face. She stared at herself in the mirror with disgust.

How could she have been so stupid? Why had she believed his lies, once again? Will she ever learn?

“I hate you!” She screamed, hitting her fists hard against the bathroom mirror. The mirror with the pretty, little flowers…the flowers she had painted on it earlier. But now she hated them, hated how they stared back at her, mocking her.

Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright 1999

Excerpt from Manuscript Snow

09 Saturday Jul 2016

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SNOW

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Dear Diary:

Casually watching my foot steps leaving the softest of impressions in the sand, making me ponder over my life and the choices I had made. I had been called co-dependent before, but hadn’t fully understood the meaning behind it. Surely, I wasn’t the one with the problem. I wasn’t the addict.

I was normal, I had followed all the rules. I was a good girl, growing up in a well-to-do family in the suburbs, eating most my vegetables, attending church on Sundays, not talking back to my elders, graduating from high school and eventually graduating from college with honors and two Masters’ Degrees to show for all my hard work. I was the one following all the rules. I am not the one with the problem.

But, today my therapist told me a different ending. I was just like the addict, I was addicted to covering up for the addict. I was trying to save him. I loved him and to be honest with myself, I loved him more than I loved me. Just like an addict loves their drug of choice more than themselves, more than their wife, more than their mother, and more than their children. They would die for their addiction, just like I would have died for you.

But I’m not the addict, you are.

January set down her pen, reaching for the box of tissues, as the tears streamed down her face. Today had been one of the hardest days of her life and probably ever to come again. She had to say good-bye to Jack, he would kill her if she let him. He was drowning and pulling her down into the current with him.

But she was a survivor, she was stronger than he. She had the will to fight and gain back the control she had relinquished on the day she had accepted his drug addiction, thinking she could save him and not knowing she couldn’t, but no more. She wanted to live and she knew now that she must face these demons on her own and without Jack.

Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Photograph By: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright July 9, 2016

Excerpt from Manuscript – Snow

01 Wednesday Jun 2016

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Excerpt from Manuscript – Snow

Jewels & Bowz 3 - 05.30.2016

The girl who was wearing all black was staring at her. She didn’t want to look over at her, but she could feel the heaviness of her glare boring down on her. She sensed the girl was trying to get her attention, but January was lost in between the lyrics of the band screaming from the radio and the shouting she heard in the other room.

She decided to look her way, “Do you know when they will be out of the bedroom?”

“Who knows. They made a big score tonight…could be a while.”

“A score?” January didn’t know what this girl was talking about.

“Speed, of course.” The girl casually replied.

January was shocked. “Did you see Jack go into the room. He must have gone out for more beer.”

“Jack is the cute guy with longish, shoulder length hair and black eye-liner?”

“Yes, he’s my boyfriend, but he doesn’t use drugs, so I’m sure he must have slipped out when I didn’t notice.”

“No, he’s in there. I saw him and the tall, skinny guy go in together.”

The room started to spin…January wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol or the loud music or the distaste of her dinner rising up and into her throat, but she felt as if she was going to be sick.

Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Photograph By: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright June 1, 2016

Excerpt from Manuscript – Snow

11 Wednesday May 2016

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Excerpt – SNOW

Tulips 05.11.2016

“I know you’re lying!”

January knew he only lied when he was using. She had lived with the cycle for long enough to see the subtle changes in his behavior. She used to laugh about it, saying he was two-faced, but in reality it wasn’t funny.

She had been living with this man’s ups and downs for nearly twenty-seven years.

“I’m not lying, baby.”

“I know you didn’t go to work today, Jack, your boss called.”

“What a prick. He has had it out for me since the first day I started.”

Jack always knew what to say. Nothing was ever his fault, it was always the other guy.

January had come to a point when she no longer fought, it was easier to just accept it. Her best friend had told her once, you made your bed, now lie in it. She guessed she had.

“Jack, what are we going to do. We need money for our mortgage.”

“Don’t worry baby, I will get you the money.”

“How? You just lost your job.” January cried.

“Don’t worry your pretty little head, I will take care of it and have your mortgage money to you by Friday.”

It was always Friday, but he could no longer keep his promises. His lies were starting to catch up with him, they were drowning him and her and their family. Poor Bella, she didn’t deserve any of this.

“Jack, I can’t take this anymore. You always get fired after two weeks, why is that?”

“I told you baby, he was a prick. I will find another job, didn’t I tell you not to worry?”

“Hi, Daddy, are we going to have to move again?” Bella had just walked into our conversation, holding her ice cream in her hand, as it melted, dripping down her arm.

It was always the same story, but nothing was getting better. She knew why he lost his job after two weeks, it wasn’t because of any other reason, but he was using again.

He had just gotten paid two days before and now he had changed, January saw it, his boss saw it, and now Bella saw it.

Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Photograph By: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright May 11, 2016

Excerpt from Manuscript – SNOW

29 Friday Apr 2016

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Excerpt from Snow…

Patrick's Point HSU 8.2014

January stood frozen, in front of her New York window flat. She was alone. It seemed as if she had been alone forever, although it had only been seven days since he left.

She wondered if he would return or leave her to deal with her devastating news alone. She hoped he would come back, but by the look upon his face and the hateful words he had spoken, she wasn’t so sure.

Actually, she wasn’t so sure of anything anymore. The disease had left her numb and afraid.

She wasn’t thinking about herself anymore, as her gaze caught something magical, down on the street below her expensive Brownstone. She was on the fifth floor of her apartment flat, but her eyesight was still good, thank goodness she still had that.

She had to smile. Young love was wonderful, she thought.

She vividly remembered when she and Jack had been so young and naive in love. She had loved him more than life itself back then.

“What happened to us?” She said out loud, even though she was the only one in the room.

The echo of the silence sharply snapped back at her. Relentless, she let the tears fall from her face, no longer caring about her make-up smearing or how she looked.

“What was the point?” She thought.

Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Photograph By: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright April 30, 2016

Excerpt from Manuscript – SNOW

26 Tuesday Apr 2016

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Excerpt from SNOW

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Jack was consumed with worry. He pondered over if he would be able to fulfill his promise to her, but he knew with all his heart that he intended to try his hardest to keep his word and honor to the only woman he had ever loved or would love…

Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Photograph By: PMW
Copyright April 2016

Excerpt from Manuscript – Snow

10 Sunday Apr 2016

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Excerpt from Manuscript – SNOW

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“He’s right you know…I’ve never had a happy ending that lasted.”

“Come on Jan, it can’t be that bad.”

“Mimi, it is. I just feel so lost without Jack.” January said, biting down on her lip.

“I know you are sweetie. Have you visited him lately?”

“Not really. It’s so hard. He’s still really angry with me. I guess I deserve it.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself. You don’t deserve any of this.”

“I’m not so sure about that. It is my fault Jack isn’t here right now.”

“Jan, it is definitely not your fault. Jack made his own choices. You didn’t force his hand into getting back into meth nor did you make him get onto his motorcycle, when he was totally high.” Mimi said, nursing the rest of her wine.

“Mimi, now you’re not being fair. If I wouldn’t have pushed him so hard and driven him to be so damn perfect, in only my sense of course, none of this would have happened!”

“Jan, you need to let it go. It will only destroy you.”

“I know, but I can’t.”

Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Photograph By: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright April 2016