28 Friday Apr 2017
Kate flew back to Brigham Young University the next week. Jeff continued to work long hours, as his mother’s health continued to deteriorate. Within the year, his mother died in her sleep, as the doctors told him that she had a weakened heart for years.
Jeff didn’t agree with the doctors, but respected their theories. He believed differently, since he had witnessed it himself. His mother had literally died in her sleep from a broken heart.
Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright 2015
20 Thursday Apr 2017
Tags
Adolescence, Author, Awareness, Book, California, Cutting, DEATH VALLEY, Faith, Family, Help, Love, Manuscript, Non-profits, Parents, Photography, Suicide, Support Groups, TEEN DEPRESSION, The Jewels' Angels Foundation, Therapy
Excerpt from Manuscript – Julian’s Voice
“Chris, don’t you dare hang up on me! Are you there? Damn it, he hung up…”
“No, I’m still here.”
“What are you going to do? Are you going to tell your mom?” She asked.
“Of course not. She will freak.”
“But, how are you going to hide it? Don’t you know that you’re not supposed to cut where anyone can see…especially not on your arms.”
“I know, I’ll just wear sweatshirts to school.” Chris replied.
“But, Chris…it’s over a hundred degrees all week. That will be obvious.”
“I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
“Why did you do it?” Why did you start cutting again? It’s been almost a year that you’ve been clean.”
“I don’t know…I just get so depressed some days. It’s the only way I feel that I am still alive…I feel so dead inside, you know what I mean?”
She did know what he meant, sadly to say, she did.
THE JEWELS’ ANGELS FOUNDATION, INC.
A NON-PROFIT
Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Photograph By: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright April 20, 2017
02 Wednesday Nov 2016
Posted in Excerpt from Manuscript - SNOW
Tags
Abusive Relationships, Addiction, Author, Book, California, Cocaine, Crank, Crystal Meth, Eastern Sierra Mountains, Love, Manuscript, Marriage, Novel, Photographer, Published, Recovery, snow, Sunset Magazine, Travel, Unpublished, Writer
Excerpt from Manuscript – Snow
The wooden bench had turned out to be a bad idea, as the beginning of the first frost escalated the startling cold that was quickly creeping up and under her skin.
January didn’t seem to notice much, as she was lost in thought. She was annoyed with herself…more like in disbelief…how could she not have seen the signs.
She had loved this man for more than half her life, but somehow she had missed it.
Earlier that day she had spoken, on the phone, with an old friend…a friend who had brought it to her attention that Jack had been using throughout their life together. She knew that he smoked weed, but cocaine? Or as her friend had kindly put it, whatever drug was available that day.
She had always blamed the weed for his mood swings, his fits of anger, and his sudden outburst of violence. She herself had become co-dependent, wanting him to smoke so that he would be numb enough to be kind to her.
She had fallen into the vicious cycle of the poor pathetic wife who deserved what she had accepted. She despised women like this, but yet she had become the spitting image of just that.
Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Photograph By: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright November 2, 2016
24 Wednesday Aug 2016
Posted in Excerpt from Manuscript - SNOW
Tags
Addiction, Author, Books, Faith, God, Help, Hope, Love, Magazine, Manuscript, Novel, Published, Relationships, Religion, Short-story, Suicide, Therapy, Writer
SNOW
“Oh my God, Jack. I am so sorry.” January had no words.
“It’s okay. I’m over it now.”
“Over it! How can you say such a thing. What happened is just terribly horrible. I don’t know what I would do, if that happened to me.”
“January, you are a strong girl. You would get over it and move on.”
“I don’t know.”
“Yes, you would and just like me. I know I sound heartless, but there are only two ways to go in a situation like this, you can either not accept it and go insane or you can accept it and move on. I am not the insane one, he was. I can’t beat up on myself for his poor choices and his insanity.”
“Gosh Jack…I don’t know if I could be as brave as you. That’s a lot of stress for a kid, you know.”
“January, we are not kids. We may be only 17 years old, but we are both much older than our years and very wise.” He reached down, pulling her face up to his, softly kissing her sultry lips.
“I love you, do you know that…do you Jack?” At that moment, she realized actually how much she really loved this man.
“I know that, silly girl. I love you too. You are my hero!”
She smiled sadly, knowing she would always love him and would do anything for him… she knew she would even die for him, but she hoped it wouldn’t come to that.
Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Photograph By: PMW
Copyright August 24, 2016
17 Wednesday Aug 2016
Posted in Excerpt from Manuscript - SNOW
Tags
Addiction, Author, Betrayal, Book, Cocaine, Literary Agent, Love, Manuscript, Novel, Published, Relationships, snow, Writer
Excerpt from SNOW…
January couldn’t help but stare. It didn’t feel real. She felt as if she were in a dream. Her once perfect life seemed to have shattered. Everything she had once known was gone.
She felt betrayed. She was lost. Defeat became her.
But she couldn’t help but think how beautiful it looked. It looked just like snow. Soft white snow that had fallen down onto the glassy, icy lake.
She was startled, seeing herself looking back through her own reflection in the mirror.
“Baby, what are you doing?” January jumped, half out of her skin.
“Woa…there baby girl. Are you okay?”
“My God, Jack. You scared me half to death.”
“What are you doing? We are all outside on the patio playing Quarters.”
“I was just coming back. I got lost, I guess. I didn’t know Ice did cocaine?”
“I guess…” Jack stammered.
“Did you know?” January asked.
“Of course not…how would I know!” Jack snapped.
“I don’t know, Jack. Calm down…I was just asking. What’s your problem?”
“No problem, babe. Let’s get back to the party and get another beer. You in?”
“Sure…” January replied, looking back at the table.
“Jack, may I ask you a question?’
“Sure.”
“Never mind.” January knew better to ask him, besides, she already knew the answer, so why bother.
January smiled weakly up at Jack as he pulled her hand, leading her across the room.
Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Photograph By: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright: August 2016
07 Sunday Aug 2016
Posted in Excerpt from Manuscript - Dear Paxton
Tags
Addiction, Author, Blogging, Books, Break-ups, Broken, Couples, Divorce, Dreams, Faith, Family, Literary Agents, Love, Manuscript, Relationships, Women, Writers
Excerpt from Manuscript – Dear Paxton
Lisa ran into the bathroom, with black streaks running down her once made up, pretty face. She stared at herself in the mirror with disgust.
How could she have been so stupid? Why had she believed his lies, once again? Will she ever learn?
“I hate you!” She screamed, hitting her fists hard against the bathroom mirror. The mirror with the pretty, little flowers…the flowers she had painted on it earlier. But now she hated them, hated how they stared back at her, mocking her.
Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright 1999
29 Friday Jul 2016
Tags
Addiction, Armani, Author, beautiful, Cocaine, Despair, doubt, Lost, Love, Magazine, Manuscript, Novel, Published, Short-story, snow, Writer
EXCERPT FROM MANUSCRIPT – SNOW
Reluctantly, she continued brushing her long blonde hair. She knew what was in store for her this evening. She had been anticipating this moment for some time. At first, she had been excited and vigorously her excitement had turned to a worrisome anxiety.
She smiled into the mirror, realizing she looked as perfect as a human-being could look. She had always been called beautiful, but she hadn’t seen it, not until this very moment.
Her eyes sparkled. Her skin was flawless. Her hair shinned under the dim lighting. The only thing missing was her smile. She tried smiling at herself, but what came back to her through her reflection was nothing more than a solace, grim, stare.
She thought to herself, “What if he doesn’t feel the same way? What if she had changed. She knew he had changed, but what if no longer loved her?”
She knew she would surely die of a broken heart, but seriously, who really did that.
“January, you are a silly girl, very silly indeed!”
It always amazed her how quickly her self-doubt appeared, even as she stood in front of the full-length mirror admiring her beautiful red-satin Armani dress.
Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Photograph: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright July 2016
09 Saturday Jul 2016
Posted in Excerpt from Manuscript - SNOW
Tags
Addiction, Article, Author, Book, Break-ups, Co-dependent, Drugs, Healing, Love, Manuscript, Novel, Published, Relationships, snow, Therapy, Writer
SNOW
Dear Diary:
Casually watching my foot steps leaving the softest of impressions in the sand, making me ponder over my life and the choices I had made. I had been called co-dependent before, but hadn’t fully understood the meaning behind it. Surely, I wasn’t the one with the problem. I wasn’t the addict.
I was normal, I had followed all the rules. I was a good girl, growing up in a well-to-do family in the suburbs, eating most my vegetables, attending church on Sundays, not talking back to my elders, graduating from high school and eventually graduating from college with honors and two Masters’ Degrees to show for all my hard work. I was the one following all the rules. I am not the one with the problem.
But, today my therapist told me a different ending. I was just like the addict, I was addicted to covering up for the addict. I was trying to save him. I loved him and to be honest with myself, I loved him more than I loved me. Just like an addict loves their drug of choice more than themselves, more than their wife, more than their mother, and more than their children. They would die for their addiction, just like I would have died for you.
But I’m not the addict, you are.
January set down her pen, reaching for the box of tissues, as the tears streamed down her face. Today had been one of the hardest days of her life and probably ever to come again. She had to say good-bye to Jack, he would kill her if she let him. He was drowning and pulling her down into the current with him.
But she was a survivor, she was stronger than he. She had the will to fight and gain back the control she had relinquished on the day she had accepted his drug addiction, thinking she could save him and not knowing she couldn’t, but no more. She wanted to live and she knew now that she must face these demons on her own and without Jack.
Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Photograph By: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright July 9, 2016
29 Wednesday Jun 2016
Posted in Excerpt from Manuscript - SNOW
Tags
Addiction, Author, Book, California, Cocaine, Love, Manuscript, Novel, Outdoor Photographer, Photography, Recovery, Rehab, Relationships, San Diego, snow, Whaley House, Writer
Excerpt from SNOW
He was waiting for her, as she pulled up. She pretended not to notice him sitting on the grass in front of her apartment, but she felt his gaze burning a hole through her soul.
She thought if she looked down, playing with the callous on the palm of her hand, he would get bored and look away, but when she raised her head, peeking up and over her lashes, she caught his intent stare.
His eyes were black…black as the night.
She knew he was mad, but she didn’t care, well maybe a little, but not really. What the hell did he have to be mad with her anyway. She was the one who should be mad.
After all, he was the one who had broken up with her. Maybe she had broken up with him, but he had deserved it. He was going down a path she didn’t approve, nor did she wish to partake.
“Did you think I would just go away?”
“Jack, I’m too tired to deal with this right now, besides your high.”
“Damn it January. You always say that, but I’m not. I quit using, just like you asked me to.”
“That’s bullshit, Jack and you know it! And the least you can do is to tell the truth, for once in your life.”
“Maybe, I just did a little.”
“Exactly! Like I said, goodnight Jack.” She ran up the stairs, quickly looking down at him. She didn’t want him to see her tears, but it was too late.
Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Photograph By: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright June 29, 2016
30 Monday May 2016
Posted in Excerpt from Manuscript - Dear Paxton
Tags
Abortion, Addiction, Agent, Author, Baby, Betrayal, Book, Children, Despair, Love, Magazine, Manuscript, Novel, Novella, Published, Relationships, Violence, Writer
Excerpt from Dear Paxton
Quickly, she turned on her heels, grabbing her purse, while proceeding to slam the door harshly behind her on her way out and down the stairs. Large crocodile tears spilled down her checks as she ran through the apartment complex, desperately searching for her car.
She needed to get away, as for away as she could. She knew he could find her if he wanted to and this she did not want.
He had crushed her heart beyond repair now. Not only had he turned his back on her, but he had also turned his back on his own flesh and blood.
She loved this baby growing inside of her, but she knew she couldn’t raise it on her own. She knew what she had to do, it wasn’t going to be easy, but she no longer had a choice of what she wanted anymore.
She had tried, fighting for her baby with all her might, but she had lost the battle.
Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Photograph By: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright May 30, 2016
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