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~ A California Girl living in Montana

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Tag Archives: Loss

Head Full of Lies

28 Friday Apr 2017

Posted by Ask Ms Mandi in Just a PERFECT Thought, Poems

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Tags

Addiction, Dead, Faith, Family, Happiness, Hope, Loss, Love, Memories, Pain, Siblings, Sisters, Smile, Suicide, TEEN DEPRESSION, The Jewels' Angels Foundation

April 28, 2017

She felt as though her days were limitless

Her heart ached, her soul empty

Longing for the once happy life, the sunshine that would make her smile

Laughter, bonding, memories, happiness

Distant, now it was all so distant

What happened?

Why did he take her?

Why did she take herself,

herself away from me?

Now there is little happiness

A simple smile is painful, but she does it anyway

Faking happiness, telling herself she is okay

Xanax numbs the pain,

Alcohol makes living okay,

But inside she is dead.

-PMW

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Excerpt from Manuscript – Snow

11 Wednesday May 2016

Posted by Ask Ms Mandi in Excerpt from Manuscript - SNOW

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Addiction, Author, Authors, Blogging, Break-ups, Broken, California, Children, Cocaine, Couples, Dreams, Drugs, Faith, Family, Hope, Literary Agents, Loss, Love, Marijuana, Mothers, Photography, Publishers, Relationships, Travel, Women, Writers

Excerpt – SNOW

Tulips 05.11.2016

“I know you’re lying!”

January knew he only lied when he was using. She had lived with the cycle for long enough to see the subtle changes in his behavior. She used to laugh about it, saying he was two-faced, but in reality it wasn’t funny.

She had been living with this man’s ups and downs for nearly twenty-seven years.

“I’m not lying, baby.”

“I know you didn’t go to work today, Jack, your boss called.”

“What a prick. He has had it out for me since the first day I started.”

Jack always knew what to say. Nothing was ever his fault, it was always the other guy.

January had come to a point when she no longer fought, it was easier to just accept it. Her best friend had told her once, you made your bed, now lie in it. She guessed she had.

“Jack, what are we going to do. We need money for our mortgage.”

“Don’t worry baby, I will get you the money.”

“How? You just lost your job.” January cried.

“Don’t worry your pretty little head, I will take care of it and have your mortgage money to you by Friday.”

It was always Friday, but he could no longer keep his promises. His lies were starting to catch up with him, they were drowning him and her and their family. Poor Bella, she didn’t deserve any of this.

“Jack, I can’t take this anymore. You always get fired after two weeks, why is that?”

“I told you baby, he was a prick. I will find another job, didn’t I tell you not to worry?”

“Hi, Daddy, are we going to have to move again?” Bella had just walked into our conversation, holding her ice cream in her hand, as it melted, dripping down her arm.

It was always the same story, but nothing was getting better. She knew why he lost his job after two weeks, it wasn’t because of any other reason, but he was using again.

He had just gotten paid two days before and now he had changed, January saw it, his boss saw it, and now Bella saw it.

Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Photograph By: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright May 11, 2016

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Excerpt from Manuscript – Snow

10 Sunday Apr 2016

Posted by Ask Ms Mandi in Excerpt from Manuscript - SNOW

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Agents, Art Galleries, Authors, Blogging, Books, Break-ups, Broken, California, Couples, Dreams, Faith, Hope, Loss, Love, Novels, Publishers, Relationships, Separation, Women, Writers

Excerpt from Manuscript – SNOW

photo (8)

“He’s right you know…I’ve never had a happy ending that lasted.”

“Come on Jan, it can’t be that bad.”

“Mimi, it is. I just feel so lost without Jack.” January said, biting down on her lip.

“I know you are sweetie. Have you visited him lately?”

“Not really. It’s so hard. He’s still really angry with me. I guess I deserve it.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself. You don’t deserve any of this.”

“I’m not so sure about that. It is my fault Jack isn’t here right now.”

“Jan, it is definitely not your fault. Jack made his own choices. You didn’t force his hand into getting back into meth nor did you make him get onto his motorcycle, when he was totally high.” Mimi said, nursing the rest of her wine.

“Mimi, now you’re not being fair. If I wouldn’t have pushed him so hard and driven him to be so damn perfect, in only my sense of course, none of this would have happened!”

“Jan, you need to let it go. It will only destroy you.”

“I know, but I can’t.”

Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Photograph By: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright April 2016

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Excerpt from Manuscript: Snow

28 Sunday Feb 2016

Posted by Ask Ms Mandi in Authors of the Week

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Tags

Agents, Authors, Blogging, Books, Break-ups, Broken, California, Children, Faith, Families, Family, Hate, Hope, Literary Agents, Loss, Love, Mothers, Publishers, Relationships, Separation, Women, Writers

SNOW

Photo_Chair_061513 001

I sit in a trance like state, remembering the flashbacks from my life. Remembering how I took life for granted. Remembering how I thought I had all the time in the world. Not knowing, that I did not.

Remembering that one day…it had such a significant hold on me and a tight hold on who I become later in life.

My mother…holding the shiny, silver shears in her hand. I remember thinking, “She does not appear sane.”

“Mommy, what’s the matter…” I asked.

“You have been a very bad girl, very bad indeed. Did you not know that I would find out.. did you not…I’m speaking to you, January…”

“Mommy, I do not know what you are talking about.” I whimpered.

“But you do. Yes you do, January.”

“But Mommy, I do not.”

A fast and sharp burn spread across my face. I had been hit.

Suddenly, I blacked out; not remembering what happened next…as I sat on the cold, expensive marble floor, gathering my golden curls into a pile on the floor.

Silently, I glanced up, seeing my reflection in the bathroom mirror… “I’m hideous!” I cried.

Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright: February 28, 2016

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I Married a Psycho

24 Wednesday Feb 2016

Posted by Ask Ms Mandi in Just a PERFECT Thought

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Agents, Blogging, Books, Break-ups, Broken, California, Children, Divorce, Dreams, Faith, Families, Hate, Hope, Loss, Love, Mothers, Novels, Poems, Publishers, Relationships, Separation, Women, Writers

I Married a Psycho Series

Ms Mandi Photo 1

“Bella are you packed…”

“Yes, Mama…Mama the phone is ringing.”

“Sweetie will you please grab it for me…I’m out on the porch.”

“Hello, Daddy. Why not… okay, I will go and get her.”

“Mama, it’s Daddy, he wants to talk to you.”

“Jack, when will you be home…Bella and I are ready and waiting for you. What do you mean you’re in Twin Pines…I thought you were at work and then coming home to pick us up…we are all supposed to go there together…as a mini vacation. Or did you forget!”

“Mama, don’t cry.”

“Hysterical…I’m not being hysterical. I can’t believe you went without us. How could you and what am I supposed to tell Bella, Jack!”

I looked over towards the doorway. All was silent now. My heart broke, as I watched my only daughter, as tears as big as crocodiles, spilled down her cheeks.

Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright February 2016

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ALEXANDER

18 Thursday Feb 2016

Posted by Ask Ms Mandi in Authors of the Week

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Agents, Art, Author, Blogging, Books, Break-ups, Broken, Children, Despair, Dreams, Faith, Family, Help, Hope, Loss, Love, Mental Illness, Mothers, Writers

Alexander…

Ms Mandi Photo 1

His days were as low
as the bottom of the sea,
depressed that’s that.

His words were unconditional
not expressive, unhappy,
Not in his right mind.

His smile was weak
skin pale like snow,
Shaggy hair fallen in his face.

Couldn’t get out of bed
not even to shower,
Not even to eat.

That’s when I saw
it wasn’t just a bad day he had,
It was never-ending.

I guess his sad days caught up to him
cause now I’m reading the note he left me,
Saying goodbye.

Written By: Jewels
Copyright February 18, 2016

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Early Detection is Important

27 Wednesday Jan 2016

Posted by Ask Ms Mandi in Just a PERFECT Thought

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Tags

Authors, Blogging, Blood, Bone, Brain, Breast, Broken, Cancer, Cervix, Children, Faith, Family, Health, Hope, Loss, Lung, Men, Mothers, Ovarian, Prostate, Skin, Women

Early Detection is Important…

Ms Mandi Photo 1

I have several friends recently, who have been diagnosed with some form of cancer. Sadly to say, one of them only recently died this Friday. She opted out to have chemotherapy and radiation, since her cancer had spread from her lungs, intertwining around her spine. The doctors gave her six months to live…after diagnosed. I think she made it to five months.

Cancer is a monster that overtakes your body and consumes your soul.
Early awareness and early detection is so important. Trust your body to tell you when something is wrong. Research your symptoms. Reach out to others for insight. Don’t always trust what your doctors tell you…dismissing it as nothing. Find out the facts and get a second opinion…or a third.

Knowledge is power! Let’s put a stop to this monster once and for all, before it continues to take more lives.

Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright January 2016

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Keeping your Roots

17 Sunday Jan 2016

Posted by Ask Ms Mandi in Just a PERFECT Thought

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Agents, Author, Break-ups, Broken, Children, Dreams, Faith, Families, Hope, Loss, Love, Mothers, Separation, Women, Writers

Keeping your Roots…

Ms Mandi Photo 1

Life can derail us off our track of focus. When this happens, we must get back to our roots.

Roots can mean different things for different people. Losing one’s roots may stifle our creativity. It may suffocate our mind and spirit; drawing us into its madness.

Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
January 17, 2016

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Excerpt from Dear Paxton

27 Sunday Dec 2015

Posted by Ask Ms Mandi in Excerpt from Manuscript - Dear Paxton

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Tags

Agents, Authors, Loss, Love, Relationships

Excerpt from Dear Paxton….

Ms Mandi Photo 1

Lisa opened the door to the clinic and walked in cautiously. A pang of regret and fear stabbed her through her stomach, with the sickening recognition of what she was about to do.

The clean, sterile smell stimulating all the painful memories she had tried so hard to push away, deep down inside her.

He had left her behind, with a sickening smile on his transparent face; while all the time she had her hand on her belly ,promising that everything would be okay.

Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright: 2000

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Excerpt from Julian’s Voice: A Ruby in the Rough

10 Thursday Dec 2015

Posted by Ask Ms Mandi in Excerpt from Manuscript - Julian's Voice

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Tags

Agents, Death, Hope, Loss, Love, Publishers, Writers

Julian’s Voice: A Ruby in the Rough:

Ms Mandi Photo 1

Hysterically, Jewels cried when she found out the news. They said they had found over twenty different pills in her system.

The County had chalked it up as, she had simply forgotten how many pills she had really taken. In addition, they had found alcohol in her system.

This too surprised Kate.

Mona was dead.

Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright: December 2015

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