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Tag Archives: Mothers

DEPRESSION IS NOT A CHOICE

10 Tuesday Jan 2017

Posted by Ask Ms Mandi in POEMS By Jewels

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Agents, Books, California, Children, Faith, Family, Hope, Love, Mothers, Novel, Published, Relationships, Writers

DEPRESSION IS NOT A CHOICE…

SISTERS 07.2015

JCW
03/31/2016 – Seven Months and 26 days before she left this earth.

Depression is not a choice. When people ask what it feels like, I don’t even have to think.

It’s like you’re underwater drowning. You forget how to swim. You used to know how, but not anymore. You’re incapable of swimming, so you sink to the bottom of the pool.

Nobody knows you’re drowning. They just think you’re underwater. Casually swimming and you try to call for help, but nobody can hear you. Even if they could, you’ll be shamed.

Your voice is gone. Your mind is all dark. No more everyday happy thoughts and people should not just say, “I’m depressed.” when they’re feeling down because depression is feeling down everyday for months and years.

You’re in this sad box that is locked. You can’t escape. It’s become a part of you…you’re friend, that you don’t want. They will yell at you, scream at the top of their lungs. And you can try to get them to leave you alone, but they’re not going anywhere.

People will say it’s a phase and you wish it was, but it isn’t. You can’t just snap your fingers and be depression free. It takes a long time to recover.

Depression is not cute. It is not something you want. It is not a trend. It is an illness and a bad one too. Having depression is not a sad thought every once in a while, it is not cutting yourself and showing everybody.

Really, it’s about not being able to get out of bed to shower, eat, start your day. It’s staying up until two in the morning thinking about things because you believe you’re a failure and that’s what it will get you to think.

You will begin to know to yourself that you’re useless, and that nobody will want you.

Sad, huh? It’s in your head. Depression is a bad illness and when people compare people who have depression, that’s even worse. Like you can’t become depressed because your parents got a divorce, because somebody else’s parents were killed.

You can’t put a price on sadness and you’ll think, “Oh, God, please someone save me, anyone”, but the only person who could save you is yourself.

It will take a while too.

Do something you love, people will say. They clearly don’t understand that anything you do will not make you happy. You are sick…It isn’t a two-day thing, but I will not be shamed for my depression.

I will always have it in the back of my head, and even though it may make me want to give up, I will not. I will not give up when I have made it this far.

Don’t blame people who are trying hard to make it through their day. So in the end, you have to remember: Depression is not a choice.

-Jewels

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Excerpt from Manuscript – Snow

11 Wednesday May 2016

Posted by Ask Ms Mandi in Excerpt from Manuscript - SNOW

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Addiction, Author, Authors, Blogging, Break-ups, Broken, California, Children, Cocaine, Couples, Dreams, Drugs, Faith, Family, Hope, Literary Agents, Loss, Love, Marijuana, Mothers, Photography, Publishers, Relationships, Travel, Women, Writers

Excerpt – SNOW

Tulips 05.11.2016

“I know you’re lying!”

January knew he only lied when he was using. She had lived with the cycle for long enough to see the subtle changes in his behavior. She used to laugh about it, saying he was two-faced, but in reality it wasn’t funny.

She had been living with this man’s ups and downs for nearly twenty-seven years.

“I’m not lying, baby.”

“I know you didn’t go to work today, Jack, your boss called.”

“What a prick. He has had it out for me since the first day I started.”

Jack always knew what to say. Nothing was ever his fault, it was always the other guy.

January had come to a point when she no longer fought, it was easier to just accept it. Her best friend had told her once, you made your bed, now lie in it. She guessed she had.

“Jack, what are we going to do. We need money for our mortgage.”

“Don’t worry baby, I will get you the money.”

“How? You just lost your job.” January cried.

“Don’t worry your pretty little head, I will take care of it and have your mortgage money to you by Friday.”

It was always Friday, but he could no longer keep his promises. His lies were starting to catch up with him, they were drowning him and her and their family. Poor Bella, she didn’t deserve any of this.

“Jack, I can’t take this anymore. You always get fired after two weeks, why is that?”

“I told you baby, he was a prick. I will find another job, didn’t I tell you not to worry?”

“Hi, Daddy, are we going to have to move again?” Bella had just walked into our conversation, holding her ice cream in her hand, as it melted, dripping down her arm.

It was always the same story, but nothing was getting better. She knew why he lost his job after two weeks, it wasn’t because of any other reason, but he was using again.

He had just gotten paid two days before and now he had changed, January saw it, his boss saw it, and now Bella saw it.

Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Photograph By: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright May 11, 2016

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Happy Mother’s Day

07 Saturday May 2016

Posted by Ask Ms Mandi in Just a PERFECT Thought

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Author, Mothers, Writers

Happy Mother’s Day
image

Sunday we are celebrating all moms on this very special day. Mothers are one of the most unselfish and perfect creatures. They have the ability to love you before they see you and continue to do so for the rest of your lives.

My most important role in life is being a mother. I wouldn’t trade it for any other career. It is so rewarding to watch the little ones we bring into the world grow up into great women and men.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there in our world. Thank you for all you do everyday to make this world a safer and better place to be.

Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Photograph By: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright May 2016

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Excerpt from Manuscript – Snow

31 Thursday Mar 2016

Posted by Ask Ms Mandi in Authors of the Week

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Author, Blogging, Books, Children, Dreams, Faith, Families, Hope, Marriage, Mothers, Pregnancy, Publishers, Writers

SNOW

Ms Mandi Photo 1

January set the pregnancy stick down on the white Formica counter-top. Tapping her finger, as she bit down on the tip of her it, she was lost in thought. Did she want the test to come out positive or would it be safer to have a negative result…

She knew she loved Jack with all her heart, but was he marriage material…

Unexpectedly she jumped, hearing the creak of the front door.

“Honey, are you home…”

Damn, it was Jack. Closing her eyes and reluctantly opening them again, she peeked down at the pink stick. Her heart dropped.

“I’m in here, Jack.” She called out.

Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright: March 2016

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Excerpt from Manuscript: Snow

28 Sunday Feb 2016

Posted by Ask Ms Mandi in Authors of the Week

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Agents, Authors, Blogging, Books, Break-ups, Broken, California, Children, Faith, Families, Family, Hate, Hope, Literary Agents, Loss, Love, Mothers, Publishers, Relationships, Separation, Women, Writers

SNOW

Photo_Chair_061513 001

I sit in a trance like state, remembering the flashbacks from my life. Remembering how I took life for granted. Remembering how I thought I had all the time in the world. Not knowing, that I did not.

Remembering that one day…it had such a significant hold on me and a tight hold on who I become later in life.

My mother…holding the shiny, silver shears in her hand. I remember thinking, “She does not appear sane.”

“Mommy, what’s the matter…” I asked.

“You have been a very bad girl, very bad indeed. Did you not know that I would find out.. did you not…I’m speaking to you, January…”

“Mommy, I do not know what you are talking about.” I whimpered.

“But you do. Yes you do, January.”

“But Mommy, I do not.”

A fast and sharp burn spread across my face. I had been hit.

Suddenly, I blacked out; not remembering what happened next…as I sat on the cold, expensive marble floor, gathering my golden curls into a pile on the floor.

Silently, I glanced up, seeing my reflection in the bathroom mirror… “I’m hideous!” I cried.

Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright: February 28, 2016

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I Married a Psycho

24 Wednesday Feb 2016

Posted by Ask Ms Mandi in Just a PERFECT Thought

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Agents, Blogging, Books, Break-ups, Broken, California, Children, Divorce, Dreams, Faith, Families, Hate, Hope, Loss, Love, Mothers, Novels, Poems, Publishers, Relationships, Separation, Women, Writers

I Married a Psycho Series

Ms Mandi Photo 1

“Bella are you packed…”

“Yes, Mama…Mama the phone is ringing.”

“Sweetie will you please grab it for me…I’m out on the porch.”

“Hello, Daddy. Why not… okay, I will go and get her.”

“Mama, it’s Daddy, he wants to talk to you.”

“Jack, when will you be home…Bella and I are ready and waiting for you. What do you mean you’re in Twin Pines…I thought you were at work and then coming home to pick us up…we are all supposed to go there together…as a mini vacation. Or did you forget!”

“Mama, don’t cry.”

“Hysterical…I’m not being hysterical. I can’t believe you went without us. How could you and what am I supposed to tell Bella, Jack!”

I looked over towards the doorway. All was silent now. My heart broke, as I watched my only daughter, as tears as big as crocodiles, spilled down her cheeks.

Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright February 2016

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ALEXANDER

18 Thursday Feb 2016

Posted by Ask Ms Mandi in Authors of the Week

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Agents, Art, Author, Blogging, Books, Break-ups, Broken, Children, Despair, Dreams, Faith, Family, Help, Hope, Loss, Love, Mental Illness, Mothers, Writers

Alexander…

Ms Mandi Photo 1

His days were as low
as the bottom of the sea,
depressed that’s that.

His words were unconditional
not expressive, unhappy,
Not in his right mind.

His smile was weak
skin pale like snow,
Shaggy hair fallen in his face.

Couldn’t get out of bed
not even to shower,
Not even to eat.

That’s when I saw
it wasn’t just a bad day he had,
It was never-ending.

I guess his sad days caught up to him
cause now I’m reading the note he left me,
Saying goodbye.

Written By: Jewels
Copyright February 18, 2016

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Early Detection is Important

27 Wednesday Jan 2016

Posted by Ask Ms Mandi in Just a PERFECT Thought

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Authors, Blogging, Blood, Bone, Brain, Breast, Broken, Cancer, Cervix, Children, Faith, Family, Health, Hope, Loss, Lung, Men, Mothers, Ovarian, Prostate, Skin, Women

Early Detection is Important…

Ms Mandi Photo 1

I have several friends recently, who have been diagnosed with some form of cancer. Sadly to say, one of them only recently died this Friday. She opted out to have chemotherapy and radiation, since her cancer had spread from her lungs, intertwining around her spine. The doctors gave her six months to live…after diagnosed. I think she made it to five months.

Cancer is a monster that overtakes your body and consumes your soul.
Early awareness and early detection is so important. Trust your body to tell you when something is wrong. Research your symptoms. Reach out to others for insight. Don’t always trust what your doctors tell you…dismissing it as nothing. Find out the facts and get a second opinion…or a third.

Knowledge is power! Let’s put a stop to this monster once and for all, before it continues to take more lives.

Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright January 2016

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Keeping your Roots

17 Sunday Jan 2016

Posted by Ask Ms Mandi in Just a PERFECT Thought

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Agents, Author, Break-ups, Broken, Children, Dreams, Faith, Families, Hope, Loss, Love, Mothers, Separation, Women, Writers

Keeping your Roots…

Ms Mandi Photo 1

Life can derail us off our track of focus. When this happens, we must get back to our roots.

Roots can mean different things for different people. Losing one’s roots may stifle our creativity. It may suffocate our mind and spirit; drawing us into its madness.

Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
January 17, 2016

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A Sad Heart

22 Saturday Mar 2014

Posted by Ask Ms Mandi in Just a PERFECT Thought

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Children, College, Daughters, Joy, Love, Mothers, Separation, Sorrow, University

A Sad Heart…

Ms Mandi Photo 1

Who ever thought being a mother would be so hard? I thought it was a rough day when I walked her to her Kindergarten classroom and now I’m saying goodbye at the airport as she goes back to college.

The tears never cease to amaze me, but with the tears comes an overwhelming sense of pride for who she has become and is continuing to become with each passing day.

As I wave goodbye until next time, I am proud of myself, for she wouldn’t be who she is today if it weren’t for me, her mother.

Written By: Ask Ms Mandi

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