Tag Archives: Addiction

Excerpt from Manuscript – SNOW

10 Saturday Sep 2016

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SNOW

ASKMSMANDI 05.01.2016

His sacred words echoed through her ears, reaching all the way up to the highest rafters in the blessed church. Rows of fragrant Calla Lilies lined the pews, sweet, succulent pink roses filled the air with just a hint of Baby’s Breath to add color to the arrangement; January was filled with peace.

“You may kiss the bride.”

Jack had a look of endearment upon his face, as he looked down and into his wife’s sparkling blue eyes.

He couldn’t believe that she was actually his. He loved this woman with all his heart. He had almost lost her once, but now redemption was on his side.

January batted her long, black lashes for less than a second, before closing them, as the anticipation grew, waiting for his kiss.

Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Photograph By: PMW
Copyright September 10, 2016

Excerpt from Manuscript – Snow

31 Wednesday Aug 2016

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EXCERPT FROM SNOW

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

The last few days had been anything but perfect, maybe perfect was too strong of an adjective, the last few days had been more than exhausting.

January closed her eyes for a moment, reflecting back on their conversation. It hadn’t gone well, with Jack storming out of their high-rise apartment.

This had been more than two days ago and she still had not heard from him. She knew he would be mad, but he was more than mad, he had been furious.

She remembered when they had first visited the city of San Francisco, now their home. She and Jack had just gotten married. He had applied to the city as an Engineer, just on a whim, not really expecting to get the job, but he had.

She couldn’t have asked for a better life, now that Jack was clean. But now it seemed their perfect, picturesque life had shattered into a million different pieces.

Tears slowly spilled down her face, as she quietly opened her eyes. It was a dreary, over-cast day, but when wasn’t it over-cast in the city.

Looking across the bay, she watched as the tour boat took the nostalgic guests across the ocean and over to the Rock…Alcatrass, making her ponder…had she made the right decision telling Jack. Only time would tell.

“Please Jack, come home to me.” She whispered.

Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Photograph By: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright August 31, 2016

Excerpt from Manuscript – Snow

24 Wednesday Aug 2016

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SNOW

IMG_4798

“Oh my God, Jack. I am so sorry.” January had no words.

“It’s okay. I’m over it now.”

“Over it! How can you say such a thing. What happened is just terribly horrible. I don’t know what I would do, if that happened to me.”

“January, you are a strong girl. You would get over it and move on.”

“I don’t know.”

“Yes, you would and just like me. I know I sound heartless, but there are only two ways to go in a situation like this, you can either not accept it and go insane or you can accept it and move on. I am not the insane one, he was. I can’t beat up on myself for his poor choices and his insanity.”

“Gosh Jack…I don’t know if I could be as brave as you. That’s a lot of stress for a kid, you know.”

“January, we are not kids. We may be only 17 years old, but we are both much older than our years and very wise.” He reached down, pulling her face up to his, softly kissing her sultry lips.

“I love you, do you know that…do you Jack?” At that moment, she realized actually how much she really loved this man.

“I know that, silly girl. I love you too. You are my hero!”

She smiled sadly, knowing she would always love him and would do anything for him… she knew she would even die for him, but she hoped it wouldn’t come to that.

Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Photograph By: PMW
Copyright August 24, 2016

Excerpt from Manuscript – SNOW

17 Wednesday Aug 2016

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Excerpt from SNOW…

08.03.2016

January couldn’t help but stare. It didn’t feel real. She felt as if she were in a dream. Her once perfect life seemed to have shattered. Everything she had once known was gone.

She felt betrayed. She was lost. Defeat became her.

But she couldn’t help but think how beautiful it looked. It looked just like snow. Soft white snow that had fallen down onto the glassy, icy lake.

She was startled, seeing herself looking back through her own reflection in the mirror.

“Baby, what are you doing?” January jumped, half out of her skin.

“Woa…there baby girl. Are you okay?”

“My God, Jack. You scared me half to death.”

“What are you doing? We are all outside on the patio playing Quarters.”

“I was just coming back. I got lost, I guess. I didn’t know Ice did cocaine?”

“I guess…” Jack stammered.

“Did you know?” January asked.

“Of course not…how would I know!” Jack snapped.

“I don’t know, Jack. Calm down…I was just asking. What’s your problem?”

“No problem, babe. Let’s get back to the party and get another beer. You in?”

“Sure…” January replied, looking back at the table.

“Jack, may I ask you a question?’

“Sure.”

“Never mind.” January knew better to ask him, besides, she already knew the answer, so why bother.

January smiled weakly up at Jack as he pulled her hand, leading her across the room.

Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Photograph By: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright: August 2016

Excerpt from Manuscript – SNOW

29 Friday Jul 2016

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EXCERPT FROM MANUSCRIPT – SNOW

REDWOODS 07.29.2016

Reluctantly, she continued brushing her long blonde hair. She knew what was in store for her this evening. She had been anticipating this moment for some time. At first, she had been excited and vigorously her excitement had turned to a worrisome anxiety.

She smiled into the mirror, realizing she looked as perfect as a human-being could look. She had always been called beautiful, but she hadn’t seen it, not until this very moment.

Her eyes sparkled. Her skin was flawless. Her hair shinned under the dim lighting. The only thing missing was her smile. She tried smiling at herself, but what came back to her through her reflection was nothing more than a solace, grim, stare.

She thought to herself, “What if he doesn’t feel the same way? What if she had changed. She knew he had changed, but what if no longer loved her?”

She knew she would surely die of a broken heart, but seriously, who really did that.

“January, you are a silly girl, very silly indeed!”

It always amazed her how quickly her self-doubt appeared, even as she stood in front of the full-length mirror admiring her beautiful red-satin Armani dress.

Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Photograph: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright July 2016

Excerpt from Manuscript Snow

09 Saturday Jul 2016

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SNOW

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Dear Diary:

Casually watching my foot steps leaving the softest of impressions in the sand, making me ponder over my life and the choices I had made. I had been called co-dependent before, but hadn’t fully understood the meaning behind it. Surely, I wasn’t the one with the problem. I wasn’t the addict.

I was normal, I had followed all the rules. I was a good girl, growing up in a well-to-do family in the suburbs, eating most my vegetables, attending church on Sundays, not talking back to my elders, graduating from high school and eventually graduating from college with honors and two Masters’ Degrees to show for all my hard work. I was the one following all the rules. I am not the one with the problem.

But, today my therapist told me a different ending. I was just like the addict, I was addicted to covering up for the addict. I was trying to save him. I loved him and to be honest with myself, I loved him more than I loved me. Just like an addict loves their drug of choice more than themselves, more than their wife, more than their mother, and more than their children. They would die for their addiction, just like I would have died for you.

But I’m not the addict, you are.

January set down her pen, reaching for the box of tissues, as the tears streamed down her face. Today had been one of the hardest days of her life and probably ever to come again. She had to say good-bye to Jack, he would kill her if she let him. He was drowning and pulling her down into the current with him.

But she was a survivor, she was stronger than he. She had the will to fight and gain back the control she had relinquished on the day she had accepted his drug addiction, thinking she could save him and not knowing she couldn’t, but no more. She wanted to live and she knew now that she must face these demons on her own and without Jack.

Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Photograph By: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright July 9, 2016

Excerpt from Manuscript – Snow

29 Wednesday Jun 2016

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Excerpt from SNOW

photo (9)

He was waiting for her, as she pulled up. She pretended not to notice him sitting on the grass in front of her apartment, but she felt his gaze burning a hole through her soul.

She thought if she looked down, playing with the callous on the palm of her hand, he would get bored and look away, but when she raised her head, peeking up and over her lashes, she caught his intent stare.

His eyes were black…black as the night.

She knew he was mad, but she didn’t care, well maybe a little, but not really. What the hell did he have to be mad with her anyway. She was the one who should be mad.

After all, he was the one who had broken up with her. Maybe she had broken up with him, but he had deserved it. He was going down a path she didn’t approve, nor did she wish to partake.

“Did you think I would just go away?”

“Jack, I’m too tired to deal with this right now, besides your high.”

“Damn it January. You always say that, but I’m not. I quit using, just like you asked me to.”

“That’s bullshit, Jack and you know it! And the least you can do is to tell the truth, for once in your life.”

“Maybe, I just did a little.”

“Exactly! Like I said, goodnight Jack.” She ran up the stairs, quickly looking down at him. She didn’t want him to see her tears, but it was too late.

Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Photograph By: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright June 29, 2016

Excerpt from Manuscript – Snow

19 Sunday Jun 2016

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Excerpt from SNOW

photo (7)

Where was Jack, January thought.

She was starting to panic. He promised her they wouldn’t stay long, but as always, that promise had been broken.

As she walked for the front door, slowly the bathroom door opened. Jack stood there in the middle of a cloud of smoke, looking at January stunned, with a look of agitation on his face. His friend Bill sheepishly looked at January, before shifting his gaze down to his feet.

“What the hell, Jan? Why are you always sneaking up on me…stop suffocating me and stop being such a bitch!”

“A bitch? What are you talking about. I was just looking for you. You promised me that we would only have to stay for a few hours, to watch the rest of the game. The game is over and I want to go, besides you are wasted and doing God knows what in the bathroom.”

“Don’t worry about what I’m doing and stop being my mother. I thought I told you that…I don’t like you being my mother. Screw this! Bill and I are going to get more beer.” Jack snapped.

“What are you talking about Jack? I want to go…you promised!”

“Like I said Jan, Bill and I are going out to get more beer and then we will go.”

An anger rose up in January that she didn’t know she had. She had a enough. “Jack, I’m going home!”

Slamming the front door, she ran to her car, as tears streamed down her face.

How dare he treat her like that. She was sick of feeling like this. Jack was quickly dragging her down with him. She had to fight back.

Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Photograph By: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright June 19, 2016

Excerpt from Manuscript – Snow

01 Wednesday Jun 2016

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Excerpt from Manuscript – Snow

Jewels & Bowz 3 - 05.30.2016

The girl who was wearing all black was staring at her. She didn’t want to look over at her, but she could feel the heaviness of her glare boring down on her. She sensed the girl was trying to get her attention, but January was lost in between the lyrics of the band screaming from the radio and the shouting she heard in the other room.

She decided to look her way, “Do you know when they will be out of the bedroom?”

“Who knows. They made a big score tonight…could be a while.”

“A score?” January didn’t know what this girl was talking about.

“Speed, of course.” The girl casually replied.

January was shocked. “Did you see Jack go into the room. He must have gone out for more beer.”

“Jack is the cute guy with longish, shoulder length hair and black eye-liner?”

“Yes, he’s my boyfriend, but he doesn’t use drugs, so I’m sure he must have slipped out when I didn’t notice.”

“No, he’s in there. I saw him and the tall, skinny guy go in together.”

The room started to spin…January wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol or the loud music or the distaste of her dinner rising up and into her throat, but she felt as if she was going to be sick.

Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Photograph By: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright June 1, 2016

Excerpt from Manuscript – Snow

26 Thursday May 2016

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EXCERPT FROM SNOW

photo (6)

The days were slowing down, giving her a chance to ponder, as her mind wandered back to a happier time. Realizing she was alone, not just in the moment, but really alone.

She felt lost, wondering where everyone had gone.

She remembered the joyous days, as her girl’s laughter echoed through their home. She was teaching Bella how to bake Snickerdoodle cookies, they had been her favorite as a young girl and now they were Bella’s favorite too.

But now, as she slowly sipped on her peppermint tea, gently swirling the cream around in the cup, she had nobody to sit around with and laugh. Time was going faster, but had also seemed to stop.

Written By: Ask Ms Mandi
Photograph By: Ask Ms Mandi
Copyright May 26, 2016